


talk some sense to me

by liveyourtemptation



Category: Tanis (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, everyone at pnws is bffs, let ellis catch a break, let nic move on from tanis 2k17, unnecessary forest metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 02:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12049296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveyourtemptation/pseuds/liveyourtemptation
Summary: When he hangs up he turns to Alex who is glaring into her coffee. “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I'm meeting with Cameron Ellis tonight. At his place. I thought someone should know I'm there.”“In case he's an ax murderer and doesn't expertly dissolve your body in his bathtub?” Alex asks.OR. Ellis finally talks.





	talk some sense to me

** _ALEX:_ ** _So, Tanis is a city?_

** _ADAMS:_ ** _Sometimes, maybe, but not that city._

** _ALEX:_ ** _I don't understand._

** _ADAMS:_ ** _It's not an easy thing to understand. Tanis is something else. Deeper and more fluid. Some say Tanis is the location of the Garden of Eden. Others describe Tanis as God him- or herself. It's been called Gaia, or if you believe Robert de Boron and Joseph d'Arimathie, Tanis is actually the Holy Grail. Sometimes Tanis is a place, sometimes it's a concept. Sometimes it's even a person._

 

 

„We need to talk.“ Avery Ellis' voice sounds thin over the phone.

 

“Sure. What about tomorrow- -”

 

“No,” She interrupts Nic. “Tonight.” She definitely sounds worried, Nic decides.

 

“Okay.” He taps his fingers on his steering wheel while he waits for traffic to move along. At the side of the road a red neon cross blinks over the entrance of a church. “Tonight. I can make that work.” He hasn't talked to Avery Ellis since MK dug up Pacifica, the novel Avery had stolen and almost published. “Can you tell me what this is about?”

 

“We'll talk later. I gotta go. And Nic- -” She pauses. “No, we'll talk later.”

 

She hangs up and leaves Nic wondering why people do that to him all the time. Did no one teach them to say goodbye? At the office he gets roped into a discussion with Carly about a possible next season for her show.

 

“I thought your guy turned out to be - - not a reliable source,” Nic says carefully.

 

Carly looks manic, pacing between their desks and waving around her hands. “There's more to it, Nic. I can feel it! I have to keep digging but- -” She stops, staring into the distance. “I trusted him. He wasn't lying. Not about everything.”

 

Nic sighs into his tea, ogling the notes on his laptop. He is between seasons with Tanis and he'll have to start production on the next season soon if he wants to stay on schedule.

 

“Talk to Paul,” He tells Carly. “Or even better, find something good and then talk to him.”

 

“Thanks Nic,” She smiles for the first time that day. “How's your story coming along?”

 

Nic sighs again. “I think I have to admit to myself that I'm at a dead end. Honestly, if we wouldn't have already announced a next season...”

 

Carly sits down on her desk, arms crossed. “Maybe you just need more time. Find a new angle. Push back the start of the new season. Hey, didn't you used to do these talks with Alex? You could do one with me. That would be fun.”

 

“Yeah, you think?”

 

“Sure. I have tons of questions.” Carly kicks her legs. “Just don't want to annoy you.”

 

Nic has to smile. “You couldn't.”

 

“Mmh, I don't know. I can be pretty annoying.” Carly grins at him. “Whatever, I need to get going. I have an interview.”

 

When she is gone Nic directs his gaze back to his laptop. The document stares back at him, unblinkingly.

 

At the end of the day he cancels his date with Amalia and makes his way to the bar Avery told him to come to. Amalia texts him a selfie with Alex. They are sitting in the lobby of their favorite indie cinema, pretending to make out. Nic laughs quietly and texts back. _Have fun._ He pockets his phone and enters the bar.

 

He barely recognizes Avery. She wears a beanie, casual clothes. Nothing like the sophisticated business woman she had been when he last met her. She looks like she doesn't want to be recognized. Her gaze darts back to the door of the bar every couple of seconds. She waves Nic over impatiently when she spots him.

 

Nic slides on the stool next to her at the bar. Now that he knows her father he can see the familiar lines on her face. The turn of her mouth. The slope of her nose. She is obviously her father's daughter. Nic never really looked like his parents.

 

“Hey, what's going on?” He asks.

 

Avery is vibrating with nervous energy. “It's - - Okay, this is going to sound crazy but I think you're used to that by now.”

 

“That's one way to put it.” Nic wants to reach out, touch her arm to calm her down but he thinks it would only make it worse. “Tell me.”

 

“It's- It's about my father.” She swallows. “He's- - I don't see him very often. _You_ probably see him more judging by your podcast.” There is a weird tone to her voice that Nic can't quite decipher.

 

“I work – - worked for him. I wouldn't say we see each other that often.”

 

“I hadn't seen him in about half a year,” Avery says, voice strained. “We're both busy people. No, that's an excuse. We never got over my rebellious phase, I guess.” Her eyes keep darting to the door whenever someone enters. “But I've met him yesterday. Look, there was something weird in your podcast. Just the way he sounded. I thought maybe he is sick. Or something.”

 

“Okay,” Nic says, confused as hell.

 

“I went to his office yesterday,” Avery continues. “He was behaving weird. He wasn't himself. I don't know. Like something changed in the past six months.”

 

Nic thinks for a moment. “Can I record this conversation?” He asks then.

 

“Oh my god.” Avery closes her eyes. Her jaw tenses. She is angry. “No, you cannot. This is about my father.”

 

“Okay,” Nic says calmly. “Can you describe what made you think he wasn't himself.”

 

Avery thinks for a moment. “Look, Nic. He was an alright father. He was there for me. He's obsessive with everything he puts his mind to, his work but his family too. But yesterday he just seemed so - - detached. Like he was standing above everything. Like nothing really matter. He had this - -smirk on his face.”

 

“Oh, I know the one,” Nic says.

 

“But that's not my dad,” Avery says, and suddenly sounds very young. “He always took me serious, even when we fought. Yesterday I felt like he was laughing at me.”

 

“So, what do you think caused that change?” Nic asks.

 

Avery breathes out forcefully. She finishes the rest of her drink as if to prepare herself for something. “Did you know that he got lost in the woods, too?”

 

It hits Nic like a freight train. And suddenly everything makes sense. Ellis' obsession with _the breach_ , his secrecy, his knowledge. Nic is still reeling when Avery keeps talking.

 

“I was maybe ten when it happened. You have to understand that he has been researching this – - thing for ages. He was gone for two weeks and when he came back he couldn't remember anything. I guess, you know what it's like.”

 

“What are you getting at?”

 

“We both know that it's real, Nic. That there is something out there. And I think it finally got to him.”

 

Nic staggers home his thoughts stuck on Avery's words. It scares him the way it had scared her. Not because he worries about Cameron Ellis, or maybe not exactly that. His world must be on its head when he starts worrying about Cameron Ellis. He should worry about himself for a change.

 

At home he sits down and listens old recordings of interviews with Ellis, listening for a change in his voice, a tell that something is off, a crack under which Tanis might reveal itself. But he sounds like he always does; calm, collected, calculating. Never unfriendly. Nic's head feels heavy from the smoke in the bar. What happened in the last six months that caused the shift in the relationship between Ellis and his daughter? Is this something he has to worry about or is this just Avery projecting on her bad relationship with her father? All good questions.

 

He falls into bed thinking that he might finally have a hook into Cameron Ellis. In his mind a picture begins to assemble. In his mind Nic sees himself, lost, stumbling through a forest that has been the only thing he cared about in a long time. He wonders where he'll end up in ten years, twenty. If he'd end up just where Ellis is.

 

He sleeps deep that night, dreams thick and sweet as honey that leave him gasping for air when he wakes.

 

Amalia is in his voice mail complaining about the bad movie she saw last night with a drunk Alex giggling in the background. Nic doesn't know why Amalia always feels the need to share these things with him but he appreciates it deeply.

 

He spends the morning following up some leads MK send his way but nothing pans out. He takes a very hungover Alex to lunch. After that he has to admit himself that there is only one way to go from here.

 

He actually reaches Cameron Ellis on his first try. That must be a new record.

 

“Hello, Nic. How can I help you?”

 

“Actually I would like to talk to you in person. Are you in Seattle at the moment?” Nic feels nervous like this is his first interview. Avery's words from yesterday shook him more than he had expected.

 

“Sure. Do you want to meet for dinner?”

 

Nic pauses. He had expected Ellis to ask him to come to his office like usual. Is this a sign of the weirdness Avery had described or just coincidence? “Okay,” He answers. “Where do you want to meet?”

 

“My place. I have to show you something.” Ellis sounds like always, like he doesn't realize how strange these sentences sound out of his mouth. Show Nic something? At his place? But Nic is definitely not going to turn down the offer if Ellis is in a sharing mood. Ellis adds, “I guess you already know where I live.”

 

“Um, yeah,” Nic says. Even without MK he's good at researching.

 

When he hangs up he turns to Alex who is glaring into her coffee. “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I'm meeting with Cameron Ellis tonight. At his place. I thought someone should know I'm there.”

 

“In case he's an ax murderer and doesn't expertly dissolve your body in his bathtub?” Alex asks.

 

“Well, now I feel entirely better about tonight,” Nic responds.

 

“Sorry,” Alex sighs and tries on a smile. “Don't worry, if he wanted to kill you he could have done it much sooner.”

 

Nic leaves Alex to her moping and buries himself in work. His thoughts keep wandering back to Cameron Ellis. Nic wonders if Avery only talked about some sort of mental break due to overworking or if she meant something else. Something more. She didn't want to go into details but there was fear in her eyes. She doesn't fear her own father, does she? And if so, is it a good idea to meet Cameron Ellis alone at his home?

 

On the way down from the PNWS office a strange young woman steps into the elevator with Nic. He has never seen her which is weird because he knows all the people who work in this small office building. But he doesn't pay her much thought, scrolling through his Twitter feed absent-minded. The doors open on the first floor and as he steps past he hears her voice.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

He takes another few steps before he stops. His mind races, trying to place the déjà vu. She probably didn't talk to him, maybe she had been on her phone, but he turns around nonetheless.

 

The doors are already closing again and he only catches a glimpse into the elevator. It looks empty.

 

He shakes the strange feeling and leaves the building. He has been getting pretty good at ignoring moments like this.

 

He drives to his place to shower and change. On the way in he stumbles over the stack of DVDs that collected there from when Geoff …. Carl brings them over for movie nights. He always forgets to take them home again. Nic had contemplated sending them back to Carl in a package when he had been mad at him for lying to him about his true identity. But it had seemed like too much work for a petty gesture.

 

Fog has settled over the city when Nic gets back in his car. The drive to Cameron Ellis' house doesn't take too long. The neighborhoods change, streets getting cleaner, apartment complexes falling away for houses, the fences getting higher. When Nic parks his car at the curb, he's pretty sure he is in an area of Seattle he hasn't been before.

 

The air is clammy and the evening sun is hidden behind a thick layer of gray clouds. Nic steps up to the gate of Ellis' property. He can barely see the house through the fences, hidden away behind trees and greenery. Ellis must pay his gardener a fortune. Nic presses the door bell. There is a small camera staring back at him.

 

“Hey, Nic,” Ellis' voice sounds over the system after a moment. “Come on in.”

 

The gate opens and Nic steps inside. He follows a trailing path up to the house. It's humble, not the modern nightmare Nic had expected. The front door opens as Nic steps up to it. The first thing that Nic notices is that Cameron Ellis is barefoot. Nic had thought Ellis is the kind of person who wears a suit for visitors. But he is dressed distressingly casual, dark slacks and a simple sweater. Nic wants to turn around instantly. This feels too awkward, too private. But Ellis is already pulling him inside with a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Come in, Nic. It's good to see you.” There is a warmth in Ellis' voice that Nic isn't used to. Nic is aware that Ellis values the work Nic can do for him and he always seemed happy to let Nic ask him questions, even if he hardly ever answered them. But this is new.

 

“I feel like I should have brought a wine or something,” Nic says, suddenly and intensely nervous.

 

“Don't worry about it.” Ellis waves away his concerns. He leans in like he is telling a secret “To tell you the truth I get weirdly intense about the right wine choices for the right meal so I'm happy to handle the wine.”

 

Nic lets out a surprised laugh at Ellis' words. He cannot quite decide if he categorizes this as weird behavior or if he just - - doesn't really know Ellis at all. He gets ushered into the kitchen, the warm air filled with a delicious smell. Ellis sits him down at a small table in the corner of the room.

 

He throws Nic a look while he gets wine glasses out of a cabinet. “I know this might be weird. We're not exactly friends. But- -” He pauses, the wine bottle in hand. “No, let's talk business later. Dinner first.”

 

“Okay,” Nic says, unsure what to think of all of this.

 

Ellis is a decent cook, Nic has to admit. And a decent conversationalist. He keeps Nic talking, asking questions and making remarks, until the nervousness drains from Nic. Halfway through the meal he realizes he is actually enjoying himself.

 

“I've been listening to the shows of your colleagues recently,” Ellis says.

 

“You have?” Nic asks.

 

“Yes, they are entertaining.” Ellis smiles a genuine smile. “Many long flights. Much time to pass. I have to say I had to laugh every time you warn one of your friends not to run into danger.”

 

Nic rolls his eyes. “You think this is the first time I hear this? I get an earful from Alex every time.”

 

Ellis leans back and watches him with a half-smile on his lips. Nic looks away.

 

“They do tell some distressing stories. I understand why you worry. The apocalypse? A timeline shift?”

 

“My story is kind of distressing, too,” Nic mutters.

 

“You do have the tendency to get yourself into trouble,” Ellis says. “But that has nothing to do with the subject of your story.”

 

Nic's head snaps up. He eyes Ellis carefully. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, Tanis is nothing you need to be scared of, Nic.” Ellis still smiles, easy and warm. “You know that, don't you?”

 

Nic is speechless. Thoughts tumble through his head.

 

Ellis leans on the table. “I have an offer for you. Come work for me. And I mean, really work at Tesla Nova. Full time. You will understand what you have been missing this entire time.”

 

“And what have I been missing?” Nic asks.

 

“The right perspective,” Ellis answers. “You want to see a story, you want to see morality, good and bad. But Tanis isn't a story. It isn't an evil force trying to destroy the world. It isn't a complex mechanism to correct the course of history. You need to look at it like a scientist. You need a clear, objective view. Tanis doesn't know good or bad. It just is.”

 

“Why are you telling me all this?” Nic asks. His head is swimming.

 

“I told you I want you to work with us,” Ellis says. “I knew the first time you came to me that you are special, Nic. You have the capability to understand.” The light catches in Ellis' eyes, the color of dark earth. “Of course you would have to quit your radio job. I know you want to share this with the world. But you have to understand that not many people can bear to know.”

 

“You know- - what it is?” Nic tries to grasps the conclusions, the answers drifting just out of his reach. “You've been there.”

 

“Let me show you something,” Ellis says and stands up.

 

Nic follows him through a hallway to the back of the house. They step out on a porch. The backyard is a jungle of different colors and shapes. Night has broken out over them, but there are lights every where in the air. Fireflies, Nic realizes. He steps out into the grass, soft and wet under his shoes. The air is filled with noises, animals calling out into the darkness, leaves and branches shifting and moving, a constant flow of motions all around him. He looks up into the sky where the clouds have broken open to reveal a strange night sky, stars blinking awake in foreign constellations. Nic feels a wave of emotions crash over him, terror and delight exploding in his chest, a beauty so sharp it hurts. He feels tears run down his cheeks.

 

Ellis is behind him, a warm, solid presence. His hands turn Nic to look at him. Nic wants to say something but there is nothing, no words that could describe this.

 

“I know,” Ellis says quietly, close to Nic. He smells like rain in the forest. “What do you hear, Nic?”

 

Nic listens to the sounds around him trying to differentiate them but Ellis shakes his head. He wipes away a tear from Nic's cheek before tapping carefully against Nic's forehead. “There.”

 

There is a silence inside of Nic he hasn't heard in a long time. The blur has become his constant companion, even if he can't hear it there is something like its shadow still present in his head. But right now it's gone completely. The last time that had happened he had entered the hut with the runner for the first time. When he entered the hut and didn't return for years and years. There had been the same silence.

 

He looks at Ellis and chokes. There isn't enough air filling his lungs. Panic threatens to overtake him.

 

“Calm down,” Ellis says. His hand is at the back of Nic's neck, grounding him, pulling him closer. His voice sounds fractured inside Nic's head.

 

“You want to know what Tanis is? Tanis is a wound in the body of the earth.” Ellis sounds urgent. “There is an energy that keeps everything alive, that connects everything, that is everywhere around and in us. Tanis spills that energy into the world.”

 

Nic sucks in deep breath. He can feel something pulling at him from every direction. “A wound - - Isn't that a bad thing,” He whispers.

 

Ellis chuckles quietly. “Tanis is connection. Everything needs communication to survive, people, animals, the trees and the elements. Even the earth.”

 

“People killing themselves and others. That's what you call communication?”

 

“Yes. It's a form of communication.” Ellis breath ghosts over Nic's face. “Don't forget. Tanis doesn't know good or bad.” He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. Nic feels like he is underwater, calm and floating. “Everyone reacts differently when they come in contact with Tanis,” Ellis continues. “Haven't you noticed how many people you allow into your life, how many people love you. Your friends, your listeners. You were always spectacular at channeling its energy.”

 

“I don't understand.” Nic blinks slowly. Distantly it registers that he is holding on to Ellis.

 

“You do,” Ellis says. He leans in the last few inches and kisses Nic. It hits him like an electric shock. The pull at Nic breaks him apart. He feels his shell splinter into thousands pieces. In rushes everything at once. He can feel everything. The shaking of the leaves. The water dripping from the roof. The worms crawling through the earth. The molecules of the wind. Ellis' hands on his face, warm and steadying. His lips against his.

 

Nic understands. He sees how everything is connected. He sees the energy floating from one thing to the other. It's a silent firework. He understands that he is a vessel for that energy just like the blackberry bush and the stones under his feet.

 

It fills him up completely, a pressure demanding release.

 

When he opens his eyes the world is lit up. “Oh,” He says, releasing a breath. Ellis chuckles again, forehead pressed against Nic's. There is something drifting in the little space that is left between them. Nic thinks he could fall into Ellis right now if he wanted to, he could slip under his skin, into the empty space between his bones. Ellis is burning brighter than anything around him, a lightning black hole sucking Nic into him.

 

Nic has never felt this desperate for connection, to communicate what he is feeling to someone. He needs to share this with Ellis. He needs to feel him. To know him. Because he can finally see and it's glorious and terrifying and he needs someone to hold on to.

 

His hands move before he can think about it, gliding from Ellis' arms to his chest, to his waist, pulling him closer. Nic is just a few inches smaller than him so he only has to lean forward to kiss him again. It feels like the right thing to do. Because, hell, he might barely know Ellis but he knows he will never share anything like this with a human being again; something so sublime, something so alive.

 

Ellis answers enthusiastic, ever touch burning on Nic's skin. They are tearing at each others clothes like they are running out of time. They don't even make it into the house. Nic presses Ellis right there into the grass. The energy between them jubilates. The fireflies sing overhead as Nic shakes apart in Ellis' arms.

 

Nic catches his breath against Ellis' neck. Darkness has returned to the garden. It's much quieter now. The energy has vanished from his body, leaving behind his flesh and bones. He can feel Ellis' chest rising and falling under his head.

 

Nic raises his head, looking down at Ellis. He looks back up at Nic, his features soft and vulnerable.

 

“Did you- -” Nic asks. Feel that too? See that? Meant for this to happen? Nic doesn't know how he should finish the sentence. “Was that - - you?”

 

“It was me, Nic,” Ellis says quietly. He runs a hand over Nic's cheek. “I meant everything I said. But I think - -” He pauses. “I think _it_ meant it, too.”

 

“Should that scare me?” Nic asks.

 

Ellis laughs. “I don't know.”

 

The heavy smell of rain is gone. Ellis smells like cologne and garlic. Nic kisses him again. It doesn't hit like a sucker punch.

 

Ellis tells him then, about the time he got lost in the woods. He speaks quietly but steady while he runs his fingers through Nic's hair. He tells Nic that since that time he had felt a light inside of him from time to time. And the more time he spent in the breach the stronger it got. Sometimes it fills him out completely. Ellis doesn't know what it means but he doesn't think it's a bad thing.

 

“It got me here,” He says, “With you.”

 

The startling clarity has left Nic but he can see that Ellis _means_ this nonetheless. It - - flatters him. Ellis' attention had always flattered him because it felt hard earned. Like it said something about Nic that Ellis chose to indulge him in his investigation. Maybe it is simpler than that after all.

 

“It's Tanis,” Nic says.

 

“If you say so,” Ellis says.

 

Later Ellis tells Nic that he can stay over if he wants to. Nic declines the offer. “I need time. To think about - - all of this,” He says.

 

Ellis nods. They are standing at the open front door. Nic can feel the blur in the distance, like a pulsing radar point at the periphery of his vision. He reaches out, brushing his fingers over Ellis' chest.

 

“Good night.”

 

“Good night, Nic.”

 

That night Nic sits down and writes the first narration for the next season.

 

Later that week he goes by Ellis' office.

 

“I'm not going to work for you.”

 

Ellis sits behind his desk, sleeves of his button down rolled up to his elbows and dark circles under his eyes. He looks disappointed.

 

“I guess I should have seen that coming,” He says with a sigh.

 

“I'm sorry,” Nic says. He stands up and goes to look out of the window. It had been a cold summer and the approaching autumn looks more like winter. “I don't want to stop doing radio. That has always been my dream. Tanis came much later.”

 

“I understand,” Ellis says. “You don't want to end up like me. Probably a smart decision.”

 

“I didn't say that,” Nic says softly.

 

Ellis stands, running one hand through his hair. He looks exhausted.

 

“I'm going to wrap up my investigation into Tanis,” Nic says. “I thought we could do a final interview. I mean I have no idea how that is going to look like yet.” He laughs.

 

“I think I can do an interview,” Ellis says. He sounds strained. “And then that's it?”

 

Nic hesitates. He walks towards Ellis in measured steps. There is crease forming between Ellis eyebrows but Nic kisses him before he can say anything. There is no explosion of ancient energy. But Ellis leans into him with a soft sigh and he finds he quite likes that, too.

 

“Just because my investigation is over doesn't mean we don't have to see each other again,” Nic says. “And I think you should talk to your daughter. She thinks you're having a burn out or something.”

 

Ellis hums as he slowly opens his eyes, a smile spreading over his face. “You, Nic Silver, are a dangerous man.”

 

 

 

_When we left you I was investigating strange occurrences in the Russian woods and I promise you, we will get to that. But first I want to tell you that this is going to be the last season of Tanis. Recently I listened to the first episodes again and I remembered what my goal was from the beginning. I was looking for a hard earned sense of discovery. And I had that. I will never solve all the mysteries around Tanis; I doubt anybody ever will. But I have come to a sort of understanding of Tanis. It's not something I can put into words, though I will of course try in the course of this season. Maybe understanding is the wrong word. I felt like for the first time I caught a glimpse of Tanis, not some strange dream, or lost memories drudged up from the depths of my brain, but a real - - contact for a lack of better term._

_I am grateful for everyone who helped me on this journey, and I'm especially grateful for you out there, listening, witnessing. That's why it hurts to admit that I might disappoint you. I do not know how I am supposed to communicate to you what I have found. I understand that some of you might feel angry or cheated. But I will try my best to bring this story to a satisfying conclusion._

_And after that? Who knows. What I know for sure is that this isn't the last time you will hear from me. There are still so many mysteries in this world that are worth exploring._

 

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes i forgot that nic silver won't go on making new podcasts when tanis is over


End file.
